When we are talking about wedding speeches, we sometimes forget that besides various techniques, rules and ideas you have something greater: your heart. An abundance of power, life, energy and ideas, emotions – in your heart are many things! Why not learn how to value them and use them for the benefit of a great father of the bride speech?
Identifying the negative emotions
You certainly have negative emotions in your heart. Maybe it was someone who once told you something like “your daughter is no good” or maybe someone else took something away from you, like a car, a house, an ex-girlfriend. We don’t even realize that many times what we face today is a result of what we suffered in the past.
Where do your negative emotions originate from? Are they caused by the abundance of thoughts and worries of today, or they were there since ages? What causes the fire on these emotions? You should always try to respond to these questions, all of them, in an attempt to identify.
Once you have identified, the only way to get rid of it is by killing the source. Sometimes this means convincing yourself that what was once done is done, and now you need to keep going knowing that nothing will change what was in the past. So what should we do? Mourn over things long gone? No! We need to wake up and see – a life, a new beginning lying ahead. That’s what you need to embrace!
Feel the ease and the relief
Once you get rid of certain negative emotions, frustrations and unsolved matters of the past there is no other way but feeling the relief. You might suddenly feel happier, more energized and capable of new works. That’s the attitude you need before pouring your heart out into an amazing piece of wedding speech for your daughter!
Of course, as a man, you might not have a born-with talent of nailing it all. Still, you can find the way easily, not nearly as complicated as others might present their versions of “reality”.
Remember the good things about your daughter
Now, the next step is really pleasant. You need to lay down or sit down and start remembering all the good things. Again, it is important to forget about any negative experiences. Your daughter is not perfect and neither are you, but that is fine, because we all make mistakes and then learn from them. So, focusing on what was once good or amazing, you start remembering your daughter’s main life events, birthdays, other special days, friends, and various other events you had together. Whether you remember 10 or 200 of such events, it doesn’t make any difference. The process of remembering the best things can last multiple days, and that doesn’t cause any difficulty nor failure. Even more: it assures you that once you are closer to actually writing the speech, you are more than well-prepared for it.
Try to put these things in a notebook or in multiple places, so that you make sure that you will remember later as well. If these memories raise up other memories, make a note of those too. It is never good to say “it’s enough” until you don’t know that your final speech is at least 2-3 minutes long.
What does she mean to you?
Ask yourself this very profound question: what does your daughter mean to you? Is she your princess? Is she the happiness you had after marrying your wife? What else does she represent to you?
These are the main questions your daughter is asking herself multiple times. She might think that she is no longer important for you, or at least not as important as she once was in the past. If she has brothers and sisters, especially who are not yet married, she might regard them as “better” children of yours. Your daughter might have also assumed that since she grew up, you only look at her like “the daughter who needs to take care for herself”.
In other words, every woman and man has some concerns related to their parents and related to the feelings their parents might have or not have. This is the same story with your daughter. She might feel unsafe and uncertain, due to some assumptions or fake emotions.
Then, it is very important that she hears from you, within the speech, that she is still important and precious in your eyes. If she doesn’t hear these words? I might tell you “it’s okay”, but the matter of the fact is that it’s not okay! Also, think about the other family members who will attend the wedding. What would they say if you didn’t tell everyone how you feel about your own daughter? Would they respect you? What would the groom’s parents and relatives think about you?
People always say that first impressions matter. Trust me: they matter even more than we’d ever realize. A wrong first impression can cause many problems, such as hatred, unemployment, new enemies and so forth. Yes, simple things can many times cause complicated problems. This is especially when we don’t pay attention to the small details.
So, write down your feelings. Try to write a poem or a short story. Actually there are too many people who say their feelings in the simplest forms. Why not be different and express the same, but in an exquisite way? You can do it, especially if you read some love poems, some short stories and love declarations, or even proposals that are on YouTube, available at a click distance anytime.
Your support for their decision – the marriage
You need to express your support for your daughter’s decision. If you don’t tell her that you are there for her and that she can always count on you, it’s all going to be harder later on. People tend to forget the good things easily, and they also have a tendency of remembering whatever was lost, broken or failed. So, knowing all these and being an experienced person, you can already approach things from a perspective of knowledge, so that you are already guarded against such mishaps.
All the guests must find out how supportive you are. If they hear it from you personally, the impact is a lot greater. Then they will quickly and effectively remember that you were a great speaker, and an amazing father. I know this is exactly the impression you want to leave people with!
The support you offer for the young couple also means that you express the fact that the groom is now an important member of your family. Extending the family with your daughter’s marriage is unavoidable, so people must also see your reaction to that. The first part of this, as I mentioned here, is accepting the groom by saying it out loudly, publicly.
The groom will also feel differently about you. He will feel honored, respected and integrated. As a consequence, he will happily come to visit you and your wife, because he will always feel very comfortable and familiar in your presence. These small details are of high importance, especially due to the fact that many times the lack of certain words and remarks is what causes unwanted misunderstandings and conflicts. We many times have no idea how a small detail can impact a big picture.
Who were the people who helped with the wedding?
There is no wedding to be done by a group of 2-3 people. It is always about 10, 20 or even 50 people. It is mostly the family, a few companies that were hired with the arrangements, cake, and other details. However, the companies that were hired already received their “thank you” when you paid them money. The same doesn’t apply to friends and family members, who probably gave up on free time, family time and other things, just to make sure they can help the couple. Obviously, if the couple was helped, you can consider it more personal: directly and indirectly you were helped.
While this is okay and happens at every wedding, you must be there to show your appreciation. The people who were mostly involved must hear and know that you noticed. Not only they need to know how you noticed the efforts, but they also need to rest assured that you have appreciated their assistance and are very thankful for all they did. How can you do that? How can you know they will acknowledge? It’s all simple: you need to tell them in front of everyone. This is not like saying it personally between four eyes, but it’s like you say how much their help counted. You can also add a remark such as your daughter and the groom also appreciated and are very thankful, because they told you in private that without the help of these wonderful people they couldn’t have enjoyed such a great organization for their own wedding. Simple and straightforward: that’s the key to sharing your feelings within the father of the bride speech.
What was the biggest challenge in organizing the wedding?
You certainly remember some moments when you felt like: this is it, you’re giving up. Everybody should now leave you alone. Yes, we all went through such moments, especially if there was a wedding to be arranged. Some of these challenges, however, shaped people, fathers, into something better. So, it is natural to say: the biggest challenge must be remembered.
As you remember what the challenge was, more importantly you will also remember what the motivation was pushing you forward. Was the motivation your wife? Maybe your daughter? Maybe a promise you have made linked to this wedding? Whatever it was, you had something that kept you going. If that something relates to your family (which is always the case, in my experience), then you should mention it that you faced rough times with some issues, but thanks to the family, you have managed to make it through. People will appreciate your honesty and the thoughts you have shared.
Bring out the honest self
When you need to write a speech from your heart, especially considering a father of the bride speech, you need to be honest. First off, it’s not okay to be hiding something or to fake a personality you don’t even have. Family members and friends – they all know who you really are, so you can never fool them to think differently or to regard you in any other way than they do. Also, if your daughter and the groom ever realize that you have hidden something, lied about something or pretended to be someone else, they might not say a word now but they might easily remember you negatively for the rest of their lives. Why so drastic and dramatic? It’s because they are in a lot of pressure, and acknowledging the importance of a wedding day can change their mindsets completely.
Also, psychologically, the easiest way to speak in front of any audience is by being open-minded and honest. It’s far more complicated to invent lies and fake affirmations than just saying something true. Obviously, you need to make sure that you don’t start mentioning things that once happened and can be shameful, disrespectful or offensive for someone. You need to have a clarity in your mind and in your heart, making sure that whatever the guests will hear is positive!
You have a helper too: your wife!
You need not to forget that some years ago, you also got married and now you have your amazing wife and your daughter, and probably even other children. Your wife probably knows how to handle public speaking a lot better than you do. Open up for her and tell her what you think and what you considered writing for the father of the bride speech. While you can’t take her ideas, nor tell what she is going to say, it is good to have such moments.
Then, as she will now know what you had in thought, your wife can suggest you some amazing new ideas and help you in editing the speech, and taking it to the next level. Women naturally have an easier and smoother way of expressing thoughts. Even if she helps you with formulations and expressions, don’t think about this as being her speech or her heart. No, it’s your heart, but it’s expressed with the help of your wife who knows you really well. Also, asking for her help would have never been wrong and the duty of writing a great speech is not about frustration and struggling alone, but it’s team work.